A Better Way

A church shaped by grace, grounded in truth, and centered on Jesus—a place where wounded people can heal—and where healed people serve.

Last Friday’s post hit a nerve. I heard from people carrying old wounds, confused loyalties, and deep questions about the church. Some left long ago. Others are hanging on… but barely.

That includes people in my own family.

My children have struggled. Some days, they’re barely holding on. They walk into a church building and feel an invisible pressure, the sense that they’re under a microscope. They fear being a disappointment. They worry about what would happen to our family if they ever really messed up. To them, the church often feels hard, rigid, and judgmental.

And while I don’t entirely agree with all their perceptions, as I think some are overblown, I can’t ignore them either. These are their feelings. This is their experience. And it matters.

This is not a reflection on where I currently preach. Cornerstone has been nothing but gracious and loving to my children, and still welcomes them with open arms when they come home. For that, I’m thankful. However, the broader experiences they’ve had in other places have left a lasting impression.

My daughter, during her undergrad years at a Christian college, saw firsthand the disconnect between what was preached and how people actually lived. She watched hypocrisy up close. And it broke something in her. In some ways, I’ve wondered if sending her there was a mistake. What her mother and I thought would strengthen her faith may have had the opposite effect.

And as a preacher, I’ve seen just about everything. The good. The beautiful. The painful. But what’s bothered me most is the gatekeeper mentality, when longstanding beliefs or church practices are questioned, out come the brotherhood protectors. Many work quietly behind the scenes, through phone calls and private email chains. Not to engage or understand, but to discredit. To whisper. To warn others. To reject and walk away. And never to talk to you personally, by the way.

It wears you down. Some days, it really gets to you. Some days, the temptation to walk away from my profession is real.

So why do I hang on? Why stay?

Because of Jesus.

He Didn’t Walk Away… Even When His Followers Failed

The people closest to Jesus abandoned Him. Judas betrayed Him. Peter denied Him. The rest ran. But Jesus didn’t give up on them. And He didn’t scrap the whole plan and start over.

Instead, He met them after the resurrection, with grace and truth.
He restored them. And He sent them out to form what we now know as the church.

The Church Is His. Not Ours.

“I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overpower it.”
— Matthew 16:18

Jesus didn’t ask for our permission or approval. He built it. It belongs to Him. And He’s still working through it.

It’s easy to forget that. It’s easy to confuse the church with our local experience or past problems. But the church is more than a building or a group of people who got it wrong. It’s the ongoing work of Christ in the world, flawed, yes, but still His.

We Need a Better Way to Be the Church

If we’re honest, many who left didn’t walk away from Jesus, they walked away from something that didn’t feel like Him.

They left churches that felt more like courtrooms than hospitals.
Where image mattered more than honesty.
Where leadership felt distant.
Where no one knew their name, their pain, or their story.

So what would a better way look like?

Not a perfect church. But a real one. A church shaped by grace, grounded in truth, and centered on Jesus. A place where wounded people can heal, and where healed people serve.

Here’s what I believe that looks like:

1. Grace over Judgment

A better church knows that everyone walks in carrying something.
Sin. Shame. Regret. Doubt.
So instead of leading with criticism, we lead with compassion.
We speak truth, but always with love. Always remembering what God has forgiven us.

“Accept one another, just as Christ also accepted you.” — Romans 15:7

2. Honesty over Hiding

A better church makes space for people to be real.
No masks. No pretending.
Struggling marriages. Depression. Addiction. Faith questions.
These things aren’t met with silence or shame, they’re met with support.

3. Shepherds Who Know Their Flock

A better church has leaders who know the people, not just policies and budgets.
Who weep with those who weep.
Who serve, not control.
Who see leadership as an act of service, not a position of power.

4. Belonging Before Behavior

People don’t need to get their lives together before they walk in the door.
They need to belong, to be known, loved, and welcomed, so they can grow.
Spiritual growth takes time. Discipleship is messy. And that’s okay.

5. Purpose Over Performance

A better church isn’t obsessed with image, numbers, or polish.
It’s focused on helping people love God, love others, and live on mission.
The goal isn’t putting on a show, it’s being the body of Christ.

6. Cross at the Center

Everything flows from the cross.
The church isn’t a museum of righteousness; it’s a place where broken people gather around the One who was broken for us.
We’re not here to prove we’re good.
We’re here because we know we’re not, and Jesus is.

We won’t get this perfectly. But we can grow into it.
And when we do, people who left may not just reconsider their decision to leave.
Others who are on the edge of leaving…. will back off.
They may start to believe that Jesus still lives and works through it.

What I’m Still Hoping For

I’m not writing this because I’ve got it figured out. I’m writing as someone who’s been hurt, too. Someone who’s had to work through disappointment, doubt, and disillusionment.

But I still believe.
Because I still believe in Jesus.
And He hasn’t let go of the church.

So I won’t either.