A Better Way to Handle Conflict
Choosing conversation over confrontation in the spirit of Christ
If your brother sins against you, go tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won your brother.
Matthew 18:15
Jesus knew there would be conflict among His people. “If your brother sins against you…” assumes it will happen. We are human, and sometimes we hurt each other. But He didn’t leave us to guess how to respond… He gave us a clear and simple instruction: go directly to your brother, and go privately.
That first step is so important. It keeps the matter small. “Hatred stirs up conflicts, but love covers all offenses” (Proverbs 10:12). It preserves dignity. And it communicates love, because the goal isn’t to win an argument, it’s to win back your brother.
So often, our instinct is to do the opposite. We talk to others before we talk to the one involved. We repeat what we’ve heard without checking to see if it’s true. We frame our response before we’ve listened carefully. Yet Scripture calls us to something higher: “Do not judge according to appearances, but judge with righteous judgment” (John 7:24). “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:2–3).
Jesus calls us to a better way. Quiet, humble, one-on-one conversations create space for grace. They give room for misunderstandings to be cleared up, for repentance to be offered, for forgiveness to flow. They allow us to truly listen—not just to words, but to the heart. “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for human anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness” (James 1:19–20).
This is what life in the church is meant to be: a place where love drives us to talk with each other, not about each other. “Let all that you do be done in love” (1 Corinthians 16:14). Where communication builds bridges instead of walls. Where winning a brother is valued more than winning a debate.
And when that happens, something powerful is restored. Trust is rebuilt. Fellowship is renewed. “Above all, maintain constant love for one another, since love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). The church reflects the heart of Jesus, who came not to condemn but to save (John 3:17).
Matthew 18 is specific in the context around a brother sinning against another. If that’s the situation, then yes your post is spot on. But some like to apply this passage to matters that are not brother-to-brother sin. Things like responding to public articles/posts do not seem to fit the context of Matthew 18. In those scenarios, we need to be wise. Sometimes a public call out is necessary (ex Paul to Peter). Sometimes a private response is wiser. But we need to be careful we don’t use Matthew 18 as a principle to shut down correction.