Fighting Back Against Verbal Abuse
Something many people quietly live with but rarely bring up on their own...
Last Sunday, our weekly broadcast, Your Pathway Home, really got a lot of instant feedback. It was great! We appreciate all of our viewers. But I could tell we really touched a nerve. I think it is because so many people are impacted by verbal and emotional abuse today. Typically, it is something many people quietly live with but rarely bring up on their own. But it is a thing.
Verbal abuse happens in marriages. It happens in families. And, it happens in churches. And too often, it is excused as “just how they talk,” “strong personality,” or “normal conflict.”
It is not.
What Is Verbal Abuse?
Verbal abuse is a pattern of speech that is meant to control, belittle, intimidate, shame, or dominate another person. It is not a single bad day or a poorly chosen word. It is repeated, targeted, and destructive.
Verbal abuse includes:
Insults, name-calling, or ridicule
Yelling meant to intimidate
Constant criticism or tearing down
Mocking someone’s faith, intelligence, or worth
Twisting words to confuse or control
Threats, even if never acted on
Solomon said, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21).
Words can wound deeply. And God takes that seriously.
How Is This Different From Normal Disagreement?
Disagreement is part of life. Even healthy relationships have conflict. But disagreement seeks understanding. Verbal abuse seeks control. Disagreement allows both people to speak. Verbal abuse silences one voice. Disagreement may hurt temporarily. Verbal abuse leaves lasting damage.
James says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger” (James 1:19). Verbal abuse does the opposite. Conflict can exist without cruelty. Abuse cannot.
How Can Perpetrators Learn to Stop?
This is where honesty comes into play. Verbal abuse is not caused by stress, frustration, or other people “pushing buttons.” Jesus said, “The mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart” (Matthew 12:34).
Change begins with repentance.
That means:
Owning the behavior without excuses
Naming it as sin, not personality
Seeking help, counsel, and accountability
Learning new ways to speak and respond
Submitting the tongue to Christ daily
The Holy Spirit is direct: “Let no foul language come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up” (Ephesians 4:29). That command leaves no room for abusive speech.
What Can Victims Do?
First, hear this: verbal abuse is not your fault. God does not call you to endure ongoing harm in silence.
Victims can:
Name the behavior honestly
Set clear boundaries
Seek help from trusted, godly people
Document patterns if needed
Protect their emotional and spiritual health
The Bible commands us to pursue peace, but never at the cost of righteousness. “If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). That phrase “if possible” matters.
God is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). He does not dismiss your pain.
What Does the Bible Say About Speech?
Scripture repeatedly condemns abusive words.
“Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the taste and healing to the body” (Proverbs 16:24)
“A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath” (Proverbs 15:1)
“With the tongue we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people… This should not be” (James 3:9–10)
“Put away… abusive speech from your mouth” (Colossians 3:8)
God cares deeply about how we speak because words shape souls.
A Final Word
Fighting back against verbal abuse does not mean returning insult for insult. It means standing in truth. It means refusing to call sin acceptable. It means seeking healing instead of pretending wounds do not exist.
God’s desire is not dominance, but restoration. Not fear, but peace.
Not silence, but truth spoken in love. And learning to speak like Christ is part of becoming like Christ.
Be sure to watch Your Pathway Home Sunday morning at 8 AM as Jason & I focus on this subject. We’d love to hear your comments during the broadcast. You can watch live at cornerstone-coc.com or on Facebook.
Unfortunately, this can be a generational issue. It’s worthy of pity when a child has been exposed to this and grows up being “trained”through that exposure assuming this is healthy & normal behavior. Those who recognize this can firmly yet lovingly stand up for themselves (& others affected) to combat this behavior and fight for healthy communication, as difficult as it can be, praying for God’s wisdom as they travel this difficult road to a more Godly relationship.