Forgiveness Restores Your Freedom
The weight you’ve been carrying isn’t yours to bear anymore....
Editor’s Note: Yesterday, one of our readers responded via Facebook, asking about the common idea that “you shouldn’t forgive someone else if they don’t ask.” I know people who believe that, and I don’t think it’s right. Today’s article explains why.
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Jesus said, “For if you forgive others their offenses, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. But if you don’t forgive others, your Father will not forgive your offenses.”
These words come right after the Lord’s Prayer. Jesus ties our relationship with the Father directly to our willingness to forgive. We cannot walk in the freedom of God’s grace while keeping others locked in our bitterness. Forgiveness may be one of the hardest commands in Scripture, but it is also one of the most freeing.
Unforgiveness Is a Prison
Bitterness tells us we’re in control. It whispers that if we hold on to the hurt, we’ll somehow regain power over what was lost. But unforgiveness doesn’t imprison the offender… it imprisons the offended. It keeps us tied to the pain of the past. Every time we replay the offense, the chain tightens a little more.
When we refuse to forgive, we close our hearts to the very mercy we need. We can’t ask God to pour out grace on us while we withhold it from others. Unforgiveness is like carrying a heavy stone everywhere you go. Forgiveness is the moment you finally set it down.
Can You Forgive Someone Who Hasn’t Asked for It?
Many people believe forgiveness can’t happen until the offender apologizes. “They haven’t asked, so I can’t forgive,” they say. But that view reduces forgiveness to a transaction: a deal between two parties.
Biblical forgiveness isn’t a transaction; it’s a transformation. It begins in the heart, not in the handshake. It’s not about waiting for someone to make the first move; it’s about living out the mercy God has already shown you.
Forgiveness Is First Vertical, Then Horizontal
Forgiveness begins with God, not the other person.
When Jesus taught us to pray, Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors (Matthew 6:12), He made forgiveness part of our worship and relationship with the Father. You can forgive someone privately before God, even if they never acknowledge their wrong. That’s because forgiveness, at its core, is about releasing your heart from bitterness and entrusting justice to God.
Romans 12:19 says, Friends, do not avenge yourselves; instead, leave room for God’s wrath, because it is written: Vengeance belongs to me; I will repay, says the Lord. Forgiveness says, “I’m no longer the judge. I’m giving this to God.”
Jesus Forgave Before Anyone Asked
At the cross, Jesus prayed, Father, forgive them, because they do not know what they are doing (Luke 23:34). No one was apologizing at that moment. No one was repenting. Yet Jesus extended forgiveness freely.
This doesn’t mean every sinner was immediately reconciled to God, but it shows that forgiveness can be offered unconditionally, even before it’s received. Jesus released the offense, even while the offenders remained unrepentant. That’s our model. We can forgive from the heart, even if reconciliation never happens.
Forgiveness and Reconciliation Are Related, but Different
Forgiveness means letting go of the debt someone owes you. Reconciliation means restoring the relationship. Forgiveness depends on one person: you. Reconciliation depends on two people: both willing to rebuild trust.
You can forgive and still set boundaries. You can forgive without putting yourself back into a harmful situation. Forgiveness removes the poison from your heart; reconciliation, when possible, rebuilds the bond.
Forgiving Frees You
If you wait for an apology before forgiving, you give the other person control over your peace. But Jesus calls us to freedom. Forgiveness sets you free even when the other person remains unchanged.
Ephesians 4:31-32 says, Let all bitterness, anger, and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.
Notice that no condition is attached. We forgive as God forgave us: freely, fully, from the heart.
Forgiveness Keeps You in Fellowship With God
When you hold on to bitterness, it clouds your prayer life and hardens your spirit. When you forgive, even privately, before the offender asks, you reopen the channel of grace between you and God. Mark 11:25 says, And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you your wrongdoing.
Forgiveness isn’t waiting for a request; it’s something you do as part of your walk with God.
Erika Kirk’s Example: Forgiving Without Being Asked
A month ago, Erika Kirk stood before tens of thousands just days after her husband, Charlie Kirk, was tragically shot and killed. Through tears, she said:
“I forgive him… because it’s what Christ did, and it’s what Charlie would do.”
“The answer to hate is not hate. The answer we know from the gospel is love — love for our enemies and love for those who persecute us.”
Erika forgave before her husband’s killer ever apologized, before there was repentance or reconciliation. She modeled the mercy of Jesus. Her forgiveness didn’t erase pain or remove consequences. It didn’t mean she wanted the man spared from justice or accountability. It simply meant she released vengeance to God.
That’s what true forgiveness does: it refuses to let hatred rule the heart while still acknowledging that sin carries real consequences. Forgiving in advance does not mean excusing wrongdoing or protecting someone from the results of their actions. It means trusting God to judge rightly while choosing to walk in peace yourself.
In Summary
Forgiveness can be given even when it’s not requested.
Forgiveness releases you; reconciliation restores both.
Jesus forgave before being asked, and He calls us to follow His example.
Forgiveness doesn’t cancel justice; it simply transfers judgment to God.
Closing Thought
Forgiveness isn’t about the other person earning it. It’s not a transaction. It’s about your heart being healed by grace. You forgive because you’ve been forgiven. You release vengeance because you trust God with justice. You choose mercy because Jesus chose it first. And when you do, you’ll find that the weight you’ve been carrying isn’t yours to bear anymore.
