Forgiving the Ones Who Should Know Better

Choosing mercy instead of bitterness when church gets messy

Being hurt by others in the church is real. I’ve been there.

Maybe someone judged you unfairly.
Maybe you were accused of turning yourself into a victim.
Maybe a friend betrayed your trust.
Maybe you felt invisible when you needed someone to care.

Whatever it was—it hurt. And it is hard to come back from that.

Sometimes the wounds from people in the church feel deeper than anywhere else. Why? Because we expected something better. We were among people who say they love Jesus—and therefore, who would love us well. When that doesn’t happen, the disappointment cuts deep.

But Scripture calls us to something higher:
“Therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive” (Colossians 3:12-13).

Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending the pain isn’t real. It doesn’t mean ignoring sin or enabling toxic people. But it does mean we choose a better way than bitterness.

Paul says it plainly: “Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ” (Ephesians 4:31-32).

When church hurt hardens your heart, it pushes you away from the very grace that can heal you.

“Above all, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity” (Colossians 3:14). Love doesn’t erase the past, but it opens the door to healing and hope.

Jesus knows what it’s like to be hurt by religious people. He was betrayed, denied, mocked, and crucified by those who claimed to follow God. And yet He prayed, “Father, forgive them, because they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). That same grace He showed is the grace we are called to give.

When Peter asked Jesus how many times he had to forgive, Jesus answered, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22, ESV). That doesn’t mean keeping score. It means developing a spirit of grace that flows from the heart of God.

Maybe those in the church have caused you to step away. Maybe you’ve stayed, but silently carried resentment. Maybe you’ve stopped expecting anything good. But grace says: don’t give up.

“He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds” (Psalm 147:3).
“The LORD is near the brokenhearted; He saves those crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).
“God is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you have shown His name by serving the saints” (Hebrews 6:10).

Let go of what you can’t carry anymore.
Ask God for the courage to forgive.
And trust Him to lead you toward peace.