This week, we’ve been talking about handling conflict. I believe it is a lost art in our country. People fly off at the smallest things. Yesterday, near a local high school, a road rage incident involved a firearm. Our country is divided. Many families are hurting. Betrayal, selfishness, and a lack of care tear homes apart. On social media, people post without filters, belittling and insulting those who disagree.
What happens in the culture often finds its way into the church. Our electronic age brings many blessings, but Satan also uses it to spread division. When methods differ, or when honest study leads someone to adjust long-held convictions, critics appear. They denounce. They misrepresent. They try to remove anything different. There is a hunger for “debate.” Militant stances get defended as “holding up the truth.” And what is really sad is that most of the current controversy over grace and works among non-institutional brethren is mostly over semantics.
Meanwhile, lifelong friendships crumble. Lines are drawn. Suspicion grows. None of this reflects the heart of our Lord.
If there is one thing we could inject into this moment, it is humility. A healthy dose of it would go a long way. And we all need more.
Pride stirs up strife. Humility makes peace (Proverbs 13:10). If we want unity in our homes and churches, we have to start with the right heart. Scripture shows us how.
What Humility Is
Humility begins with God. I am dependent on Him and accountable to Him (Micah 6:8; 1 Peter 5:5–6). Humility shapes how I treat people. Every person bears God’s image, so I value them and look to their interests (Genesis 1:27; Philippians 2:3–4).
Humility submits to Scripture. I invite God to search me and then I obey what He shows me (Psalm 139:23–24; James 1:21–22).
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.” Philippians 2:3 CSB
Why Humility Defuses Conflict
It lowers the temperature.
“A gentle answer turns away anger” (Proverbs 15:1; cf. 25:15). Soft words calm hard hearts.
It opens ears.
We become “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger” (James 1:19–20; Proverbs 18:13).
It checks motives.
James asks where fights come from and points to desires inside us (James 4:1–3). Humility asks, “Why am I pushing so hard?”
It makes space for grace.
We “put on” compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, and forgiveness. The peace of Christ rules our hearts (Colossians 3:12–15; Ephesians 4:31–32).
It pursues peace without compromise.
“As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” and “pursue peace with everyone and holiness” (Romans 12:18; Hebrews 12:14).
How To Practice Humility In A Dispute
Pray first.
Ask for wisdom and a clean heart (James 1:5; Psalm 139:23–24).
State the goal.
Say it out loud. “We want God’s truth and our unity” (Ephesians 4:2–3; John 17:21).
Own your part.
Confess first, even small faults. Jesus tells us to take the plank out of our own eye before we point out a speck (Matthew 7:3–5; Proverbs 28:13).
Ask good questions.
“Can you help me understand what you meant?” Then reflect back what you heard. It shows respect and often clears fog (Proverbs 20:5; 18:2).
Let Scripture lead.
Bring verses, not volume. God’s Word is our authority and our equipment for every good work (2 Timothy 3:16–17; Psalm 19:7–11).
Choose gentle words.
Avoid labels and sarcasm. Use speech that builds up and gives grace (Proverbs 15:1; 12:18; Ephesians 4:29).
Invite wise help if needed.
If you stall, follow Jesus’ patient steps and bring in mature help at the right time (Matthew 18:15–17; Proverbs 11:14).
Release the need to win.
Faithfulness is the target, not triumph (Romans 12:18; 1 Corinthians 6:7).
When You Are Wrong
Say it clearly. “I was wrong. Please forgive me” (James 5:16; Luke 15:21).
Make it right where you can, as Zacchaeus did (Luke 19:8; Romans 12:17).
Learn and change. Loving discipline is the path of wisdom (Proverbs 12:1; 3:11–12).
When You Believe You Are Right
Keep your spirit gentle. Aim to restore, not defeat (Galatians 6:1; 2 Timothy 2:24–25).
Distinguish gospel essentials from personal opinions. Welcome one another without contempt (Romans 14:1–4, 19).
Sometimes the best move is to pause, study, pray, and meet again. “A person’s insight gives him patience” (Proverbs 19:11; cf. James 3:17).
Public Or Private?
Pride wants a stage. Humility asks, “Will this build up the church?” (1 Corinthians 14:26).
Do the private work first (Matthew 18:15; Proverbs 25:9-10).
Guard your witness. Avoid foolish controversies that breed factions (Titus 3:9–11; James 3:14–16).
What Humility Sounds Like
“I might be missing something” (Proverbs 12:15).
“Help me see what you see” (Proverbs 18:15).
“I value you more than being right” (Philippians 2:3–4).
“Let’s pray and open the Bible together” (James 3:17; Acts 17:11).
“The wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without pretense.” James 3:17 CSB
Remember and Reflect
Humility does not avoid conflict. It redeems it. With open Bibles, soft hearts, and gentle words, we honor Christ and help the church flourish (Ephesians 4:2-3). As far as it depends on us, we will live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18).
We all must be willing to ask ourselves, Where did pride show up in my words this week? What do I need to confess before the next conversation? Which Scripture will guide my tone and content? Who could help us if we get stuck? What step can I take today to pursue peace?
