“Sadly I find ‘brethren’ often hurt each other far more than those in the world.”
— a reader's comment.
There are few wounds as deep as those inflicted in a place that was supposed to be safe.
We expect the world to be hard. But the church? That’s supposed to be where grace flows. Where compassion isn’t earned, but given. Where love isn’t limited to those who have it all together.
And yet, many have found the opposite. Rejection. Condescension. Isolation. Misunderstanding. Silence.
Some of you have carried that pain quietly for years… afraid to talk about it, afraid to name it, afraid to admit just how much it hurt. But you’re not alone. And more importantly, you’re not crazy.
I’ve sat with people who’ve cried because the ones who were supposed to represent Jesus acted nothing like Him. I’ve heard the stories, people ghosted after pouring their heart out in confession, judged instead of helped, silenced when they needed support.
Sometimes, if we’re honest, it feels safer to be vulnerable with people outside the church than with those inside it. That shouldn't be the case… but for many, it is.
Why It Hurts So Much
The reason it cuts so deeply is simple: we expect more from God’s people, and rightly so.
Jesus said, “Just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another” (John 13:34, CSB). That’s not a suggestion. That’s our standard. Love that sees. Love that listens. Love that sacrifices.
But when churches become echo chambers of performance rather than places of honest healing, the damage is real. It can leave people disillusioned, discouraged, and even questioning their faith.
But What Do We Do With the Hurt?
That’s the hard question.
Some people walk away.
Some shut down.
Some build walls so high even Jesus couldn’t scale them (if He wasn’t so patient).
But I believe there’s another path, a more faithful, even if more difficult, one.
Name the hurt
You don’t have to pretend. What happened was real. It mattered. Take it to the Lord—not in bitterness, but in brokenness. He understands.
Guard your heart
It’s easy for hurt to harden into cynicism. But you were made for love. Don’t let their failure turn into your fortress.
Remember: Jesus was wounded too
He was betrayed, abandoned, mocked, and misunderstood. Not just by the world, but by the very people He came to save. He gets it.
Look inward
As one commenter wisely said, when we point fingers, three are pointing back at us. That’s not shame… that’s perspective. Start with the one person you can change: you.
Find a remnant
The church is not beyond hope. There are still brothers and sisters who are genuine, compassionate, and full of grace. Don’t let the few who failed you keep you from the ones who will walk beside you.
And I’m thankful to see a growing number of congregations waking up, embracing grace, pursuing authenticity, and working hard to become places of healing and recovery rather than sterile, cold, and judgmental. These churches reflect the heart of Jesus more than some might expect.
When You Don’t Feel Seen
There are seasons when you feel like a ghost in the pews. You show up. You serve. But nobody sees the weight you’re carrying. And when you finally try to share, you’re met with silence or suspicion.
If that’s you, listen closely:
“The Lord is near the brokenhearted;
he saves those crushed in spirit.”
(Psalm 34:18, CSB)
You are not forgotten.
Not by God. Not by His Son. And not by the people who’ve walked that same valley.
You may feel invisible, but you are not unseen.
To My Fellow Christians: We Must Do Better
Let me speak plainly.
If someone’s vulnerability makes you uncomfortable, good. That might just be the Spirit showing you where you need to grow.
People are hurting. And they’re not looking for polished perfection. They’re looking for someone who sees them. Someone who listens. Someone who reminds them that Jesus came to bind up the broken, not cast out the wounded.
We don’t need more watchdogs. We need more shepherds.
We don’t need more talking. We need more open arms.
Truth matters, but truth without love is a weapon, not a lifeline.
If You've Been Hurt
Let me say this directly:
I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that. And I believe God is grieved by it, too.
But don’t give up on Jesus because someone betrayed you. And don’t give up on His people because some have forgotten how to love like Him. The church can be better. And you can be part of helping it get there.
Let’s become what Jesus envisioned… a people who are real, repentant, restored, and relentlessly full of grace.
Even when it hurts.
