Our minister preached a sermon a while ago about "I'm fine." He warned us not to use "I'm fine" as a shield from other members of the family of Christ. The sermon came just before the congregation reshuffled our family groups.
The sermon made a tremendous difference for the congregation. We are more open about our struggles. Before I led my first family group get-together, I sent the members a link to a congregation singing "God's Family." When the preacher's mom asked what Bible study we were going to do, I said, "We aren't going to do one. We know how to do devotionals and Bible studies. For our family group, we're doing something different: we're going to talk to each other. We're going to get to know each other.
It worked: we are much closer, much more intimate. Our Sunday family group meals are what family Sunday dinners used to be. We pray for each other, of course. But we also check on each other routinely. We laugh, we cry, we hug. We are a Church family. It's been a real blessing for my wife, who had almost given up on the Church. Now her closest friends are fellow Christian women.
All because we stopped using "I'm fine" as a shield....
We “reshuffle the deck” for our family groups every Spring. That's done to keep cliques from forming. We also get closer to as many members as possible. For a brand-new elder (me) that's a huge help!
Our get-togethers are once a month (3rd Sunday) dinners at a group member's house. We try to do a theme wherever possible. For example, in August, we did a “back to school” meal. Everyone brought their favorite school lunch items.
Often our peers aren't truly interested in how we are doing. The question, "how are you" is asked but without expecting an in-depth answer.
Having struggled with health issues for many years, (some of those years my attendance only reached the 25% mark in the tracking software), I learned to say, "I'm fine" because when I answered with how I REALLY was, mind you after a very long absence, there was an inability to cope with the unexpected information. I learned to say, "I'm here" - meaning I am better enough to leave the house, but not doing very well. It was more honest from me, and allowed them to explore further if they were interested.
I was told by an older, well-meaning woman, that I should really just say "I'm fine" and leave it at that (a generational coping method, I know). But I told her, if the ONLY conversation I ever have with my brethren is when I am able to be at the building - then I have no avenue for help with bearing the burden that is so overwhelming.
Sometimes - "I'm fine" is as much a surrender to the lack of concern from others (including spouses) as it is a surrender to the state of things.
We can learn to bear up under the weight alone by trusting in the Lord. We can fill the gaps by trying to be for others the thing that we have needed and not gotten. But there will always be a void that is left if the warning signs for such responses are not recognized by both ourselves and those around us.
Brethren who work to understand what others are going through - to really hear them and find ways to be there the way they are needed will grow a much stronger body of Christ in a local area. Burdens needs to be met with prayers and scripture. You never know how best to apply them if you don't know what is really going on in someone's life.
Our minister preached a sermon a while ago about "I'm fine." He warned us not to use "I'm fine" as a shield from other members of the family of Christ. The sermon came just before the congregation reshuffled our family groups.
The sermon made a tremendous difference for the congregation. We are more open about our struggles. Before I led my first family group get-together, I sent the members a link to a congregation singing "God's Family." When the preacher's mom asked what Bible study we were going to do, I said, "We aren't going to do one. We know how to do devotionals and Bible studies. For our family group, we're doing something different: we're going to talk to each other. We're going to get to know each other.
It worked: we are much closer, much more intimate. Our Sunday family group meals are what family Sunday dinners used to be. We pray for each other, of course. But we also check on each other routinely. We laugh, we cry, we hug. We are a Church family. It's been a real blessing for my wife, who had almost given up on the Church. Now her closest friends are fellow Christian women.
All because we stopped using "I'm fine" as a shield....
I love this!
We have some small groups here at Cornerstone. I'm part of one. We've all gotten very close. It's one of the best things we've done.
We “reshuffle the deck” for our family groups every Spring. That's done to keep cliques from forming. We also get closer to as many members as possible. For a brand-new elder (me) that's a huge help!
Our get-togethers are once a month (3rd Sunday) dinners at a group member's house. We try to do a theme wherever possible. For example, in August, we did a “back to school” meal. Everyone brought their favorite school lunch items.
Thank you for this message!
Often our peers aren't truly interested in how we are doing. The question, "how are you" is asked but without expecting an in-depth answer.
Having struggled with health issues for many years, (some of those years my attendance only reached the 25% mark in the tracking software), I learned to say, "I'm fine" because when I answered with how I REALLY was, mind you after a very long absence, there was an inability to cope with the unexpected information. I learned to say, "I'm here" - meaning I am better enough to leave the house, but not doing very well. It was more honest from me, and allowed them to explore further if they were interested.
I was told by an older, well-meaning woman, that I should really just say "I'm fine" and leave it at that (a generational coping method, I know). But I told her, if the ONLY conversation I ever have with my brethren is when I am able to be at the building - then I have no avenue for help with bearing the burden that is so overwhelming.
Sometimes - "I'm fine" is as much a surrender to the lack of concern from others (including spouses) as it is a surrender to the state of things.
We can learn to bear up under the weight alone by trusting in the Lord. We can fill the gaps by trying to be for others the thing that we have needed and not gotten. But there will always be a void that is left if the warning signs for such responses are not recognized by both ourselves and those around us.
Brethren who work to understand what others are going through - to really hear them and find ways to be there the way they are needed will grow a much stronger body of Christ in a local area. Burdens needs to be met with prayers and scripture. You never know how best to apply them if you don't know what is really going on in someone's life.