When We Need Help Mending the Relationship

Jesus’ way of bringing others in for healing, not harm

But if he won’t listen, take one or two others with you, so that by the testimony of two or three witnesses every fact may be established.

Matthew 18:16

Matthew 18 is not a chapter of suggestions. It’s a picture of life inside the church, i.e., the kind of relationships Jesus expects among His people. Earlier, He said: “See to it that you don’t despise one of these little ones, because I tell you that in heaven their angels continually view the face of my Father in heaven” (Matthew 18:10).

How you treat your brother is how you treat Jesus.

So far in this series, we’ve traced the flow of Jesus’ teaching:

• In verses 1–4, greatness in the kingdom begins with childlike humility.

• In verses 5–6, honoring the lowly is honoring Christ Himself, while causing a brother to stumble is a grave offense.

• In verses 7–9, disciples must take sin seriously, removing whatever leads them astray.

• In verse 10, we’re reminded not to despise even one of God’s children, for the Father treasures each soul.

• In verses 11–15, we’ve seen that Jesus came to save the lost, the Father rejoices over restoration, and reconciliation begins with private, loving communication.

Each of these truths builds a picture of what life inside the church should look like: humility, care, holiness, protection, and relentless pursuit of the lost.

Now Jesus takes us further: “If he won’t listen, take one or two others with you.”

Notice what this is not. It is not forming a coalition against your brother. It is not gossiping until you’ve won others to your side. Scripture warns us: “Without wood, fire goes out; without a gossip, conflict dies down” (Proverbs 26:20).

Instead, this step is about wisdom and fairness. The presence of others ensures that every fact is clear and nothing is twisted. “Every matter must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses” (Deuteronomy 19:15). It keeps the conversation honest. It adds accountability. And it provides loving support to help repair the relationship.

While the main context here is between two parties where one has sinned against the other, the principle carries greater application. Whenever relationships are strained, when communication has broken down, or when tensions are rising, bringing in wise and trusted brothers or sisters can help prevent deeper division. It is the spirit of humility and reconciliation that Jesus wants to govern all our dealings with each other. “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God” (Matthew 5:9).

This is a reminder that we need each other. “Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts. For if either falls, his companion can lift him up” (Ecclesiastes 4:9–10). Sometimes reconciliation requires the help of trusted brothers and sisters who can guide us back toward peace.

And in our own time, this step has real application. Too often, others get involved in the wrong way, through side conversations or whispers that never reach the one who needs to hear them. But Jesus points us toward a better way. When others are brought in, it should be face-to-face, not behind-the-scenes. It should be for healing, not for harm.

This principle protects us from endless cycles of suspicion and rumor. It reminds us to pursue peace, not division. “So then, let us pursue what promotes peace and what builds up one another” (Romans 14:19).

Jesus is showing us a path where the church is marked by integrity, fairness, and compassion. Sometimes it takes the help of others to mend a relationship. And when we do it His way, even difficult conversations can become stepping stones toward unity. “How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in harmony” (Psalm 133:1).