A growing number of younger Christians, especially Gen Z and millennials, are quietly stepping back from the church. Some walk away completely. Others stay in the pews but feel distant inside. There are many reasons for this, but one that often goes unmentioned is what they see Christians saying to each other online.
They see preachers attacking preachers. They see Christians labeling entire congregations. They watch church leaders assume motives, exaggerate faults, and speak sharply instead of lovingly. They see gossip dressed up as concern and slander excused as “standing for truth.” And they’re asking a painful question:
If this is how Christians treat each other, why would I stay?
Before we go further, I want to say this: this is personal for me. I’ve made mistakes. I haven’t always handled myself the right way. I’ve spoken too quickly, reacted too strongly, or failed to communicate when I should have. I’m not writing from a place of superiority, but from a place of conviction. I’m doing the best I can, and I know many others are too. But the damage we’re seeing today is real, and we cannot ignore it.
Here is how online behavior is shaping younger Christians, and what Scripture says about each concern.
It makes the church feel unsafe
Those in the Millennial and Gen Z generations want a gentle, peaceful community. Scripture says, “Let your graciousness be known to everyone” (Philippians 4:5). Paul also writes, “Let the peace of Christ… rule your hearts” (Colossians 3:15), and “Encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11). When Christians tear each other down, the church no longer feels like a safe place to grow.
It damages their understanding of truth
Truth must look like Jesus. “Speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15) is not optional. Jesus said, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35). And James warns, “Human anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness” (James 1:20). When truth is delivered with arrogance or hostility, younger believers question whether it’s truly Christlike.
It teaches them that disagreement equals division
Younger Christians assume unity should survive differences. Paul says, “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit” (Ephesians 4:3). Romans 12:18 urges, “If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Peter adds, “Be like-minded and sympathetic… and humble” (1 Peter 3:8). Quick division discourages them.
It silences honest questions
This is the big one. They fear being attacked for asking what they genuinely want to understand. Scripture tells us, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak” (James 1:19). Proverbs says, “A gentle answer turns away anger” (Proverbs 15:1). Jude instructs, “Have mercy on those who waver” (Jude 22). Without mercy and gentleness, questions die—and so does growth.
It weakens the credibility of preaching
Recently, I was told about a young Christian in another state who went to one of her elders, very upset after she saw an online magazine blast away at other Christians, repeating half-truths and outright misrepresentations. She has known the writer of one of the articles her entire life, and her impression of him is now forever changed.
Younger believers watch closely. They notice when someone preaches one tone on Sunday but uses a different tone online. Paul told Timothy, “Set an example for the believers in speech” (1 Timothy 4:12). He added, “Pay close attention to your life and your teaching” (1 Timothy 4:16). And John wrote, “The one who says he remains in him should walk just as he walked” (1 John 2:6). When a preacher sounds one way in the pulpit and another way online, younger Christians lose confidence.
It makes the gospel look powerless
The gospel should produce visible change. Scripture says, “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation” (2 Corinthians 5:17). The Spirit produces “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness…” (Galatians 5:22–23). And Paul urges, “Let your speech always be gracious” (Colossians 4:6). When Christians sound no different from the world, younger believers question the gospel’s power.
Arrogant exclusivity pushes them away
This one is very personal for me - because it has impacted those I love dearly. Young people aren’t rejecting the exclusive claims of Christ—Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6). What they reject is arrogance. “God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble” (1 Peter 5:5). Paul warns, “Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up” (1 Corinthians 8:1). And Jesus said, “Whoever exalts himself will be humbled” (Matthew 23:12). When truth is delivered without humility, they turn away, not from doctrine but from attitude.
The damage is real
This isn’t theoretical. Some younger Christians are in counseling today because of wounds inflicted by harsh, judgmental, or accusatory believers, people who should have known better. Proverbs says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21). The damage done by reckless speech is deep, and sometimes professional help is needed to heal.
Jesus takes this personally
Jesus makes it clear that how we treat His people is how we treat Him. He said, “Whoever welcomes one little child such as this in my name welcomes me. But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to fall away, it would be better for him if a heavy millstone were hung around his neck and he were drowned in the depths of the sea” (Matthew 18:5–6). He continued, “Woe to the world because of offenses… woe to that person by whom the offense comes!” (v. 7). And again, “See to it that you don’t despise one of these little ones” (v. 10).
When we wound a brother or sister with our words, especially one young in faith, we are striking at Christ Himself. Younger Christians understand this connection even when older Christians forget it.
What They Need
Truth with love (Ephesians 4:15).
Private correction, not public assaults (Matthew 18:15).
Gentleness in disagreements (Galatians 6:1).
Peace as a priority (Romans 14:19).
Speech seasoned with grace (Colossians 4:6).
Humility in all things (1 Peter 5:5).
Younger Christians are not rejecting the truth. They are rejecting behavior that contradicts Christ. If we want them to stay, we must give them a Christianity that looks like Jesus, not only in doctrine, but in the way we speak.
