Yelding is Not Excusing Sin
Scripture never asks God’s people to protect abusive relationships
Yesterday, I shared a short clip from Your Pathway Home on my Facebook page about learning to yield in our relationships. On that broadcast, Jason and I were talking about ordinary, painful realities of life together: personality conflicts, careless words, misunderstandings, and even sin that happens between people who are trying to follow Christ.
Several responses showed that some heard something very different.
A few interpreted the message as suggesting that Christians should excuse abuse, overlook unlawful behavior, or quietly endure serious harm in the name of peace. That was not our message. And it is not what we believe. Scripture never asks God’s people to protect sin.
There is a difference between yielding in love and surrendering to evil.
Yielding applies to pride, preference, tone, impatience, and the everyday frictions that come with life in families and congregations. It means being slow to anger. It means choosing humility over ego. It means refusing to turn every disagreement into a battle. Paul reminds us, “If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). Even there, Scripture acknowledges limits.
But yielding does not mean ignoring wrongdoing.
It does not mean excusing abuse—physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual. It does not mean overlooking criminal behavior. It does not mean asking victims to remain silent to preserve appearances. God’s word is clear: “Don’t participate in the fruitless works of darkness, but instead expose them” (Ephesians 5:11). Silence is not righteousness. Hiding sin is not mercy.
Refusing to deal with destructive sin has long been a problem in families. Physical abuse and sexual abuse happen far more often than we know. Much of it remains hidden because of fear, shame, misplaced loyalty, or pressure to “keep the peace.” Scripture warns, “The one who conceals his sins will not prosper” (Proverbs 28:13). Too often, families silence victims instead of confronting sin. They protect reputations instead of people. And in doing so, they allow harm to continue.
That is not love. That is not biblical.
The Bible consistently calls God’s people to justice and truth. “Learn to do what is good. Pursue justice. Correct the oppressor” (Isaiah 1:17). Love does not look away when harm is done.
The New Testament reinforces this responsibility within the church. Jesus taught that sin between believers must be addressed honestly and directly, not ignored or spiritualized away (Matthew 18:15–17). Paul warned that unchecked sin spreads and damages the whole body (1 Corinthians 5:6). And love itself “finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth” (1 Corinthians 13:6).
Holding someone accountable is not unloving. Ignoring sin is.
Refusing to deal with serious wrongdoing harms everyone involved. It damages the soul of the one who sins. It wounds those who are affected. And it corrodes the spiritual health of families and congregations. Discipline, though painful, is meant to lead to “the peaceful fruit of righteousness” (Hebrews 12:11).
When behavior breaks the law, it must be reported. Scripture teaches that governing authorities are “God’s servant… an avenger that brings wrath on the one who does evil” (Romans 13:4). Turning a blind eye to criminal behavior is not grace; it is negligence.
When behavior is abusive or destructive, it must be named. God calls His people to “rescue the poor and needy” (Psalm 82:4). Silence does not heal. Avoidance does not protect. And spiritual language should never be used to shield ungodly conduct.
At the same time, accountability and humility are not opposites.
Scripture calls us to restore with gentleness while also exercising wisdom and care (Galatians 6:1). Wisdom from above is “first pure, then peace-loving” (James 3:17). Purity comes before peace.
We can confront sin without cruelty. We can seek justice without hatred. We can protect the vulnerable while still calling sinners to repentance. Yielding means laying down pride, not abandoning wisdom. Grace means calling people to transformation—not enabling harm. Peace means righteousness—not pretense.
If you are facing serious wrongdoing in a relationship, you are not faithless for addressing it. You are not unspiritual for seeking help. And you are not disobedient for protecting yourself and others. “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32). God is near the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). God cares about truth. God cares about justice. And God cares deeply about the health of His people.
Holding people accountable is part of loving them and loving the body of Christ well.
Thank you for this article. While I didn’t misunderstand the message of the broadcast, I did notice the comments were taking things down an unintended path so I do appreciate you addressing that and making clarifications.
I don’t think in any relationship that only one person should do all the yielding or things that make for peace. There must be mutual respect of each other and finding healthy balances.
There is a huge difference between occasional missteps or disagreements and patterns of abusive behaviors and attitudes. You’ve done a good job of portraying that.
Unfortunately, some use the very scriptures you address to exert power and control or to justify prideful behaviors.
This is such an important distinction and one Scripture guards carefully because yielding without truth becomes compromise and truth without mercy becomes cruelty Jesus Himself modeled this balance when He told the woman caught in adultery Neither do I condemn you and then immediately said Go and sin no more John 8:11 Grace did not excuse her sin but it also did not leave her crushed Paul echoes this when he says Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound Certainly not Romans 6:1–2 because grace is meant to free us from sin not make peace with it Yielding to God always involves repentance which is why Proverbs says He who conceals his sins does not prosper but whoever confesses and forsakes them finds mercy Proverbs 28:13 God’s kindness leads us to repentance not complacency Romans 2:4 and His discipline is proof of His love Hebrews 12:6 When we yield rightly we place ourselves under God’s authority trusting that His commands bring life not bondage This kind of yielding produces real transformation because the Spirit works in us both to will and to do for His good pleasure Philippians 2:13