I was supposed to have lunch with one of my closest friends Tuesday. We had everything set up to meet at one of my favorite places to eat in his hometown. Unfortunately, I had to reschedule due to a heavy schedule. When I called, we visited for a few minutes, and he told me about something he had been studying in the Hebrew scriptures. He was looking at the word shalom and what the rabbis taught about it. What he learned was simple but really stood out to me: relationships flourish when we pursue peace first, then truth. Not truth first. Peace first.
That order matters more than most of us realize. And getting it backward may be one of the reasons our world feels so fractured right now.
What Shalom Actually Means
Most people translate shalom as “peace.” But the word carries much more weight than that. It means wholeness, completeness, things being as they should be. It describes a state where nothing is broken or missing.
When the Psalms speak of peace, they don’t just mean the absence of conflict. They mean the presence of something good.
Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. (Psalm 34:14)
Notice the active language. Peace is not passive. It is something you chase. You go after it. And according to this verse, you pursue it before you deal with anything else.
The Rabbinical Teaching
The rabbis noticed something important in how Scripture orders its priorities. The Talmud1 presents Moses and Aaron as two contrasting models. Moses was a man of truth. His motto was “let the law pierce the mountain.” Aaron was a man of peace. He loved peace, pursued peace, and made peace between people.2
This is why Hillel taught, “Be among the disciples of Aaron, loving peace and pursuing peace, loving people and bringing them closer to Torah.”3 The rabbis declared that peace is the greatest of all blessings, the vessel that holds every other good thing.
This doesn’t mean truth is unimportant. It means that truth spoken without a foundation of peace often does more harm than good.4
Solomon said:“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. (Proverbs 18:21)
Truth is powerful. But power without care is dangerous.
Peace Creates the Container for Truth
Think about the best correction you ever received. Chances are, it came from someone you trusted. Someone who had already built a bridge to you. The truth landed because the relationship was safe.
Now think about the worst. It probably came from someone who cared more about being right than being kind. The truth may have been accurate, but it felt like an attack. And you shut down.
Paul understood this dynamic. He writes:
Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. (Ephesians 4:15)
Truth in love. Not truth as a weapon. Not truth as a lecture. Truth wrapped in the safety of genuine care. That is the kind of truth that produces growth.
James said:
Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness. (James 3:18)
Righteousness, which includes truth and justice, is the harvest. Peace is the soil. You cannot reap what you refuse to sow.
What Happens When Truth Comes First
When we lead with truth before establishing peace, we see predictable results. People get defensive. Walls go up. Conversations become arguments. Everyone digs into their positions. Nobody changes.
Jesus may have had this in His mind when he preached the sermon on the mount:
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? (Matthew 7:3)
Leading with truth, without humility and relational safety, often reveals more about the speaker than the listener. It says, “I care more about being right than about you.”
Proverbs warns about this too:
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Proverbs 15:1)
The content of what you say matters. But how you say it, and whether you have built trust first, determines whether it will be received.
Look Around
You can see this pattern everywhere today. On social media. In politics. In families. In churches. People are leading with “I’m right and here’s why you’re wrong.” There is no relational ground. No pursuit of peace. Just the blunt force of truth without love.
And the result? Exactly what you would expect. Division. Hostility. Isolation.
And so, we have the apostolic admonition:
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. (Romans 12:18)
“As far as it depends on you.” That is the charge. You cannot control what others do. But you can control whether you pursue peace first.
The Beatitudes make the priority even clearer:
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. (Matthew 5:9)
Not “blessed are those who are right.” Blessed are those who make peace.
This Is Not Weakness
Some will read this and think it means avoiding hard conversations. It doesn’t. Pursuing peace first is not the same as avoiding truth. It means building the bridge before you try to carry something heavy across it.
The Psalmist painted a beautiful picture of what this looks like when it works:
Love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other. (Psalm 85:10)
Peace and righteousness are not at odds. They belong together. But peace comes first, because without it, truth has nowhere safe to land.
Colossians ties it all together:
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. (Colossians 3:15)
Let peace rule. Not truth. Not correctness. Peace. Let it be the governing principle. Then, from that place of peace, truth can do its work.
A Better Way Forward
The world doesn’t need more people who are right. It needs more people who are willing to pursue peace first. People who build trust before they deliver hard truths. People who value the relationship more than winning the argument.
The ancient wisdom of shalom still applies. Peace first, then truth. Get the order right, and you might be surprised at how much changes.
How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity! (Psalm 133:1)
I hate that my lunch date didn’t work out, but I’m glad I got to talk to my friend over the phone. I hope our conversation about peace has encouraged you today.
Sanhedrin 6b
Aaron became the ultimate example of putting peace first. According to Avot d’Rabbi Natan (Chapter 12), when Aaron saw two people in conflict, he would go to each one separately. He would tell each person that the other had come to him, full of regret, asking for reconciliation. Was it strictly true? Not always. But it worked. The relationship was restored.
Pirkei Avot 1:12
The Perek HaShalom, the Chapter on Peace appended to the Talmudic tractate Derech Eretz Zuta, expands on this theme.
I am about to meet a friend for lunch, prepared with a whole bunch of truth to share on a sheet of paper.
My true goal, all along, has been to find out what he’s really thinking.
Perhaps he will not see that sheet of paper. Maybe that is for another day.
I really like how this ties in the right attitude. On some level O always struggled with the love and unity commanded amd what we practiced. To me, this helps bridge that gap.