At Cornerstone, we’re doing something really special right now. We’re training younger men to become elders. It’s been one of the most encouraging studies we’ve had in a long time.
This past Tuesday night, our topic was handling disputes: how disagreements arose among brethren and how they were resolved in the New Testament.
What struck me most was how easily pride can complicate what should be simple. Whether it was the disagreement between Paul and Barnabas, the murmuring in Acts 6, or the tension between Jewish and Gentile Christians, pride was often lurking in the background.
Pride makes every disagreement personal. It fuels defensiveness, creates sides, and hardens hearts. But when humility rules, unity thrives. That’s what I see happening here at Cornerstone—a spirit of peace and cooperation that gives me great hope for the future of this congregation. Still, it’s a reminder for all of us: pride is the greatest threat to peace, both in the church and in our hearts.
The Behaviors Pride Produces
When pride takes root, it reshapes how we see others and how we talk to them. Instead of approaching disagreements with patience, we become reactive and self-protective. Pride is subtle; it doesn’t always shout. Sometimes it just whispers, “I’m right, and I need them to know it.”
That whisper can lead to a chain of behaviors that look nothing like Jesus:
We debate instead of discern. Proverbs 13:10 says, “Arrogance leads to nothing but strife.” Pride makes us more interested in scoring points than finding wisdom.
We argue instead of reason. James 1:19–20 reminds us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” Pride flips that order.
We label instead of love. When we can’t win with logic, we turn to character attacks. Jesus warned against judging motives and ignoring our own faults (Matthew 7:3-5).
We demand to be heard but refuse to listen. Proverbs 18:2 says, “A fool does not delight in understanding, but only wants to show off his opinions.”
When pride drives the conversation, truth becomes secondary. The goal shifts from reconciliation to victory. We stop listening. We dig in our heels. Every correction feels like an insult. Every question sounds like a challenge. And every opportunity for peace turns into a fresh wound.
Pride and Doctrinal Disputes
Pride doesn’t only show up in personal conflict; it also hides in religious conflict. It’s possible to defend the truth with the wrong heart. Paul warned in 1 Timothy 6:3-4 (CSB):
“If anyone teaches false doctrine and does not agree with the sound teaching of our Lord Jesus Christ… he is conceited and understands nothing. Instead, he has an unhealthy interest in disputes and arguments over words.”
That phrase, “he is conceited and understands nothing,” captures something profound. Pride makes us confident in our ignorance. It convinces us we’re defending sound doctrine when, in reality, we’re defending our own ego.
Pride makes us care more about being right than being righteous. It feeds the desire to win arguments rather than humbly pursue truth together.
Proverbs 16:18: “Pride comes before destruction, and an arrogant spirit before a fall.”
Proverbs 13:10: “Arrogance leads to nothing but strife, but wisdom is gained by those who take advice.”
James 3:14-16: “If you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your heart, don’t boast and deny the truth… for where there is envy and selfish ambition, there is disorder and every evil practice.”
These warnings aren’t about secular pride; they’re about spiritual pride. The kind that blinds us to correction, that clings to tradition even when Scripture says otherwise (Mark 7:6-9), and that divides believers into camps, each convinced they alone are right.
And the danger is subtle. Pride can wear a religious mask. It can quote Scripture, use spiritual language, and even sound zealous for truth … yet its fruit is bitterness, division, and self-promotion.
Paul urged believers to approach disagreement with gentleness:
“The Lord’s servant must not quarrel, but must be gentle to everyone, able to teach, and patient, instructing his opponents with gentleness. Perhaps God will grant them repentance leading them to the knowledge of the truth.” — 2 Timothy 2:24-25
Truth matters deeply. But so does the way we defend it. The church suffers when pride governs our tone. The kingdom flourishes when humility guides our words.
Pride’s Need for a Platform
Pride doesn’t stop with argument: it wants an audience.
It grows angry when others refuse to debate, as if silence were an insult. It convinces us that our opinions must be heard and that our influence is larger than it really is.
Sometimes it takes a modern form: posting online debates, publishing “responses,” or stirring controversy in the name of “defending truth.” There’s nothing wrong with earnest discussion, but when the goal shifts from persuasion to performance, the Spirit’s work is hindered.
Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 8:1,
“Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.”
That verse reminds us: knowledge without humility is dangerous. It inflates the ego but deflates compassion. A puffed-up heart cares more about exposure than edification.
And Paul’s words in Galatians 6:3 cut even deeper:
“If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.”
Pride deceives us into believing our words, our wisdom, or our influence are indispensable. But the truth of Christ doesn’t depend on our self-promotion. God’s Word stands on its own.
Titus 2:7-8 calls leaders to model “good works with integrity and dignity.”
That’s the kind of quiet, steady example that gives the gospel credibility.
The most potent defense of truth isn’t a fiery post or a sharp debate—it’s a life that reflects Christ in tone, character, and consistency.
The Better Way
So what’s the alternative?
The gospel calls us to something higher.
Philippians 2:3-4 says,
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look not to his own interests, but rather to the interests of others.”
Humility listens before it speaks. It softens the tone. It leaves room for grace. It allows God’s Word to do the heavy lifting instead of our volume or cleverness.
Proverbs 15:1 says,
“A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.”
When humility rules the heart, conversations become calmer. When humility guides the tongue, correction becomes easier to hear. When humility shapes our attitude, unity becomes possible even in disagreement.
Humility doesn’t mean compromise. It means trust—trust that God’s truth is strong enough to stand without our pride propping it up.
The Path to Peace
Peace doesn’t come through pride. It comes through surrender.
It means surrendering our ego, our need to be right, our desire to be recognized, and our fear of being misunderstood.
Real strength shows in restraint.
Real wisdom shows in gentleness.
Real love shows when we value people more than our own pride.
Jesus said,
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.” — Matthew 5:9
So the next time conflict arises—whether in your home, your workplace, your congregation, or online—pause before you respond. Pray for humility. Ask God to help you listen to understand, not to react.
Pride starts fights.
Humility ends them.
And the peace of Christ grows in hearts that know the difference.
